Okay here we are a day away from starting college. And I am so ready and super excited! About two weeks ago I went to finalize everything and found out that one of the classes that I was taking I didn't need anymore. The changed the requirements and droped that one so I had to pick up another class. It kinda worked out better because it is a online class. So that gives me a little more time to be able to work. Which we were beginning to be pretty conserned about money and bills. Because as it was I was only going to be able to work 2 days a week. But now it works out so I can work 3 and half days now. SO that takes some weight off my shoulders.
I some times get the feeling that people think that I am crazy because I keep talking about how excited I am and how I can't wait until I get started. But the things is that for us this means so much more then me going to college. Its even more then beging able to get a good job makeing good money. This has been my dream since I was about 8yrs old. My entire life I was judge by my mother. She made a lot of mistakes and I guess my family just decided that I would follow her foot steps. And then when I got pregant young it kinda concereated it in the minds of my family. And every since then it just seemed like I was destended to be a nothing in their eyes. So even when I started college right out of high school no one ever believed that I would finish it. And then when I need help to cover some of the cost that my grant didn't cover the start of my second year, no one could help and I was forced to stop. And then it was that well they knew it I could do it. I should of fought harder, I should of found another way. But I guess I just believed them and gave up. Its sad really and then I made another really stupid move and stoped working as a CNA and moved on to selling insurance. And right after I got pregnant with twins and everything changed, I had to stop working and then I lost my CNA because when it came time to renew my licences I didn't meet the requirements becuase I hadn't worked as a CNA in a long time. Its amazing how as you get older you cna look back and decision you make when your younger and see the exact moment when things changed and started getting harder. Over the last 8 years things have gotten harder and harder for us, somethings due to circumstances beyond our control and some things were because of bad decisions and choices we made. So with this perfect storm in our lives pushing us down fincacually, we have been forced to rely on our family to help us with things for the kids, like clothes and christmas. Some may think that we like it and don't really care but believe me its not true it bothers us very much. Everytime we have had to go to a family memeber and ask for money or help with clothes for our kids it has taken another pieace of our soul. But when you are a parent you have to let your pride go and do whats best for your children. You have to do what is best for your kids so they have what they need.
So see just how much this means to me and my family. Me being able to go to college and finish my dream of being a RN means so much to me. This means so many different things for my family. Even though I still get the vibe that most are already doughting that I will finish. Shoot I think that some are even doughting the fact that I am going at all. Sure I can't see the future so I don't know what will happen. All I can say is that I will be fighting harder then ever to finish the next 3 years. Its not just about finishing I have to work hard and get good grades. If I don't keep a certian grade point average in order to get in to the nursing school. But once I am done and I am a RN and I am working. I will finally be able to provide for my family. I can have pride again, I can stand tall. Sure its not all about money. It's about having a goal and reaching it. Its a little about shoving it in the faces of the people who don't want me to do good. It's about teaching my kids that a good education is important. Money comes and goes, the things you buy with it brake and gets old and has to be replaced. YOu do need it to live but I want my kids to know and understand that love, compassion and family is whats important. I see some people who have good jobs and yet they still struggle because they max themselves out with big houses fancy new cars and expensive everything. I have no plan on doing that. Finishing college and becoming a RN, will make me able to make more money then I have ever made and while doing whats in my heart to do. But I would rather keeep the house I have now and drive a paid off car and have money in the bank to go and live. I don't want to work my ass off to keep the expensive things in life. I would rather keep my living expenses low so I can have more money to go and do things. And buy my kids the things that they want, and maybe help some of them people who have belived in me and has helped me over the years. So you see when I keep going on about how excited I am I am thinking about what all this well mean for me and my family. And it just gets me very excited. I hope I can keep it up as the year goes by.