Friday, August 26, 2011

First Week of College!

So I have made it through my first week of college. And I am still very excited to be there. I can't help but feel giddy everytime I walk in to the building. When I am walking in to the building heading to class and I have by bookbag on my arm, I just get so damn happy! Don't get me wrong my work load is large! Between my classes and working and the studying and homework, oh yeah and of course my family still needs me to be a wife and mother to them.
  But with all the work that is in my life now it's all worth it. I keep in mind that as long as I work hard and get through the next three years my life and my kids life will forever be changed. It's so much more then just the money that this degree will allow me to make, its about completing my dream and teaching my children how important it is to go to college. They are old enough to remember how their lives are now and yet young enough to enjoy the difference that this college education will allow us. I know to some the money that a RN will make is nothing and certainly not enough to get so excited about. But you see right now I am making a little bit more then nothing and we have struggled for so long and I am ready to be done with it. So for us it will be a million times better then were we are now.
  Each teacher have told me that outside of the work that I will be doing in the class room, I will need 6 to 8 hours of out of classroom time for homework and studing. So that is a little scary. I have a 20 page paper due for one class its self. And I have to read like 2 to 4 chapters for each class each week. So I do have a lot of work to do. But as scary as it is and as much as I am praying that I can do it, I am very grateful to have this chance to better my life and the lives of my husband and children.
  I will continue to write the blogs to let you know how it is being 30 years old and going to college while being a wife and mother!

A day away from College!

  Okay here we are a day away from starting college. And I am so ready and super excited! About two weeks ago I went to finalize everything and found out that one of the classes that I was taking I didn't need anymore. The changed the requirements and droped that one so I had to pick up another class. It kinda worked out better because it is a online class. So that gives me a little more time to be able to work. Which we were beginning to be pretty conserned about money and bills. Because as it was I was only going to be able to work 2 days a week. But now it works out so I can work 3 and half days now. SO that takes some weight off my shoulders.
  I some times get the feeling that people think that I am crazy because I keep talking about how excited I am and how I can't wait until I get started.  But the things is that for us this means so much more then me going to college. Its even more then beging able to get a good job makeing good money. This has been my dream since I was about 8yrs old. My entire life I was judge by my mother. She made a lot of mistakes and I guess my family just decided that I would follow her foot steps. And then when I got pregant young it kinda concereated it in the minds of my family. And every since then it just seemed like I was destended to be a nothing in their eyes. So even when I started college right out of high school no one ever believed that I would finish it. And then when I need help to cover some of the cost that my grant didn't cover the start of my second year, no one could help and I was forced to stop. And then it was that well they knew it I could do it. I should of fought harder, I should of found another way. But I guess I just believed them and gave up. Its sad really and then I made another really stupid move and stoped working as a CNA and moved on to selling insurance. And right after I got pregnant with twins and everything changed, I had to stop working and then I lost my CNA because when it came time to renew my licences I didn't meet the requirements becuase I hadn't worked as a CNA in a long time. Its amazing how as you get older you cna look back and decision you make when your younger and see the exact moment when things changed and started getting harder. Over the last 8 years things have gotten harder and harder for us, somethings due to circumstances beyond our control and some things were because of bad decisions and choices we made. So with this perfect storm in our lives pushing us down fincacually, we have been forced to rely on our family to help us with things for the kids, like clothes and christmas. Some may think that we like it and don't really care but believe me its not true it bothers us very much. Everytime we have had to go to a family memeber and ask for money or help with clothes for our kids it has taken another pieace of our soul. But when you are a parent you have to let your pride go and do whats best for your children. You have to do what is best for your kids so they have what they need.
  So see just how much this means to me and my family. Me being able to go to college and finish my dream of being a RN means so much to me. This means so many different things for my family. Even though I still get the vibe that most are already doughting that I will finish. Shoot I think that some are even doughting the fact that I am going at all. Sure I can't see the future so I don't know what will happen. All I can say is that I will be fighting harder then ever to finish the next 3 years. Its not just about finishing I have to work hard and get good grades. If I don't keep a certian grade point average in order to get in to the nursing school. But once I am done and I am a RN and I am working. I will finally be able to provide for my family. I can have pride again, I can stand tall. Sure its not all about money. It's about having a goal and reaching it. Its a little about shoving it in the faces of the people who don't want me to do good. It's about teaching my kids that a good education is important. Money comes and goes, the things you buy with it brake and gets old and has to be replaced. YOu do need it to live but I want my kids to know and understand that love, compassion and family is whats important. I see some people who have good jobs and yet they still struggle because they max themselves out with big houses fancy new cars and expensive everything. I have no plan on doing that. Finishing college and becoming a RN, will make me able to make more money then I have ever made and while doing whats in my heart to do. But I would rather keeep the house I have now and drive a paid off car and have money in the bank to go and live. I don't want to work my ass off to keep the expensive things in life. I would rather keep my living expenses low so I can have more money to go and do things. And buy my kids the things that they want, and maybe help some of them people who have belived in me and has helped me over the years. So you see when I keep going on about how excited I am I am thinking about what all this well mean for me and my family. And it just gets me very excited. I hope I can keep it up as the year goes by.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Next step completed........

  Okay so I am now signed up for my classes and I am getting more and more excited and scared.  I have my class schedule and Monday's and Wednesday's are going to be my busy days I have 3 classes on those days. Tuesdays and Thursdays I have one class but it is right in the middle of the day.  Monday's I will be in school for 1pm to 9:15pm at night and that upsets me I wont be home for the kids at night, Wednesday's I will be there until 7:30. I don't like not being there to help the kids with homework and dinner and I know it will be hard on them and Mike.  I will be there to take them to school in the mornings and they like that.  I talked to them about it again last night and they are being very supportive.  But I can't help feeling as though I am abandon them.  Sure my brain knows the truth and that this is to better their lives but my heart isn't listening right now.  Hopefully over the next 2 months I can get my heart on board.
  I am still working on my grant stuff, and I am beginning to get worried there.  Because unless I get these grants and the living expense I don't know what we will do as far as bills.  I've got a meeting to meet with a finacual aid officer with the college June 22 so maybe I will relax a little when I do.  I just want to know that at least my classes are paid for.  I've wanted this for so long I hope nothing stands in my way and makes it to where this doesn't happen.  I just know that I am tired of living broke!  My kids and husband deserves better then what they have had.  I am hoping that I will soon start getting these approval letters.
  So I am one step closer to making my dream come true.  I couldn't be more excited about these changes.  I put my life on hold to help my family.  My grandmother did the same for me when she decided to take me in and raise me so it was never a question when she asked me to do the same for her.  I just wish she could be here to see me go back to school.  She always wanted this for me and I know she would be happy!  Maybe she can see from where she is, and she is smiling down on me now.
  I hope that my kids see the importance of going to college and go and finish right out of high school!  I don't want them to struggle like we have and live pay check to pay check.  Life is about hard work and as long as you are willing to put the work in you can do anything.  We do live in a amazing country that you don't have to be rich to go to college.  You can have nothing and still go back to college and change your situation.  Sure it takes alot of work and dedication to look for the right grants you need to go to school.  But the point is there is help out there if you look for it.  Its spread out all over the Internet and you have to be careful because some of them are fake and schemes.  But the state website gives you a lot of options too.  We are all faced with challenges and we can't help what or where we came from but you can change were you are going!  And its my time to do just that.


Saturday, May 14, 2011

Going back to college.

So I have decided at 30 years old to go back to college to get my nursing degree. This is something I have wanted to do since I was a little girl. I started right out of high school in 99' but because I was already a mother before I graduated and I was trying to hold down a full time job and take care of a house and "husband". It became too much for me, so I quit. I never should have but I was so young and so stupid I really didn't know any better.
In December of 2010 my grandmother who raised me and was my best friend past away suddenly from a massive heart attack. I had been working with her at a business she and my grandfather owned together for 25 years, it was too much for her so she wanted me to stay and help her and I did. But when she passed away I was lost for awhile. I didn't want to stay and work for my grandfather anymore, I had always hated being there. But I wasn't sure what I would do. The economy is not in a good place right now and finding another job wasn't easy. And what they had been paying me I am no longer able to support my disabled husband and 3 children. So I began thinking again about going back to school. This time the pull was so strong I just had to look in to it and see what my options were.
So I got on line and I started looking around trying to not only find a way to pay for school but find a way to have income coming in while I am in school. I was able to find many different ways to have the tuition and books paid for which is great, but with my situation I needed income too. And since I know from experience you can only be so many full time things, working and trying to go to school full time just wasn't going to work for me. Finally I found two possible ways to get what I needed, 1) is a grant for offered through the state of Maryland for people wanting to go to college for nursing that paid for school and gave a generous living expense. 2) I could go on welfare for 3 years and struggle and have income enough to live off and apply for another grants that will pay for school. As of today I know that I have school paid and welfare will help us for 3 years until I am finished school. And hopefully I will still get the other grant that offers a much better living expense for the 3 years. Either way, I am now enrolled in College for the 2011/2012 school year!
I am very much excited and can not wait to do this! But I am also very scared, I haven't gone to school in 12 years! And when I was in school I was a C student at best! Now I am a wife and a mother of 3 kids. I have a home and there are so minor health issues that requires regular monthly trips to the doctors. I do have a lot of family support and support of friends, my husband is happy for me to go back and accomplish my dream. My kids are older now, my son is 12 and my twin girls are 9, so they are willing to help more so I can do this. I have more determination then ever to do this and make all of our futures a little better. So even though I have so tight spots and I am nervous I know I can do this! Every single bit of the hard work will be worth it! And I am showing my children the importance of a higher education and that if I can do it now they can do it right out of high school!
So I will continue with post as time goes on and I am going through school. I think that maybe if others see I can do it, so can they! I know people with kids, husbands and homes that are and have done it! So I know I can too, I just have to stay focused and determined. We can struggle for 3 more years or we can struggle for the rest of our lives. Its time for that chain to be broken, I will be getting 10 times what I will be giving up temporarily for 3 years! Watch out world, its time for me to shine!